Woman asks vegetarian partner to consider "Flexitarisnism" while traveling, partner gets mad, wonders if asking was a mistake: 'I very much view the world through food.'

• 01
  
  via Vitaly Gariev

  Couple standing in a kitchen filled with vegetables having an argument.

  _{Not actual subjects}

• AITA For Asking My Partner to Consider Flexitarisnism While Travelling

   "Hi Reddit,

  Like the title says, AITA for asking my (33F) partner (30NB) to consider being more flexible on their vegetarianism when we travel. We travel a lot and are headed to another country later this year that has a heavy meat culture with my mother for a few days. I would like to experience the food culture and am saddened at the idea of missing out on things if they don't have a vegetarian option.

  For context: My partner is vegetarian and has been for seven years. They became vegetarian when they were dating their now ex who was a vegan, though they say it's for health reasons. We live together and have for the last 3 years and I cook most of the meals, so i do not cook meat. I haven't since we got together despite not being vegetarian myself. I don't keep meat in the house, and have no real interest in it."

  -EstimateMobile2741

•  "That being said, I am a huge foodie. I was a line cook for a long time, a baker for a bit, and I very much view the world through food. Whenever I go somewhere new I spend hours looking at restaurants and reading reviews so I can try local food. My partner knows this. Traditionally I have tried to cater my searching and food choices to their vegetarianism, with limited success.

  For my partner, it is not simply a "oh there is a veggie option cool great" they often complain when there is only one, or one they don't like. If I want to eat at a restaurant that I have picked out, for me, it's an immediate "can I eat here!?!" followed by a complaint. I usually try and find vegan and vegetarian restaurants for them to counteract this issue and it's also led me to some great food places (so it's not all bad!). Though it has also led to eating veggie burgers in places that have wonderful seafood for example."

  -EstimateMobile2741

•  "We were discussing the upcoming trip and they lamented not knowing what they can eat. I knew this was coming and was already frustrated but I asked them to consider being flexible on their food choices. I explained, like not making every meal a giant piece of beef, but having some flexibility in what they can and cannot eat would be nice, because I've missed so many things already. But now I feel like a je*k, I know vegetarianism is important and a good moral stance."

  -EstimateMobile2741

• 02
  
  via Vitaly Gariev

  Couple sitting in the kitchen with a serious face.

  _{Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.}

• Old-Paleontologist-1

  They shouldn't have to consider eating meat. But they should consider going into places that serve meat and grabbing a salad or a couple sides. It sounds like they aren't considering you, and are being purposefully difficult. 

  NTA

  I'm a foodie too, and if my husband was that way, I would be eating at the place I want alone and he can do what he wants. 

• pidgeypenguinagain

  ESH. You can’t make them flex but also if they are traveling they can’t be expected to always have a ton of options. Being vegan/vegetarian is super cultural and if ur going somewhere where that isn’t common then ur partner will just have to deal

• Maximum-Company2719

  NTA. Let them search for food they are willing to eat. They're an adult.

  And do not miss out on what you want to eat.

  I'm not suggesting they're a bad partner for you, but are you two compatible enough? If you stay together you will always have to compromise. And maybe that's okay, maybe it's worth it. Only you can tell.

  But, again, don't sacrifice your entire food experience. Let them choose half the places and you choose the other half.

• Stock-Cell1556

  You should feel free to eat whatever you want, wherever you are.

• Hour_Aardvark751

  Ok, I get wanting them to not be so rigid about menus (complaining about only one vegetarian item? Let me introduce you to being a vegetarian in the 90s where your choices were salad and fries), but meat can hurt a body that isn’t used to digesting it. Maybe a foodie trip isn’t right for your partner.

  Edit, forgot judgment: NAH.

• Kitchen_Trifle_8382

  I just think you should go on the trip by yourself and eat anything and everything you want to. I totally understand the sacrifices you've made food-wise for your partner but this sounds like a rare opportunity for you to go hog wild, pun intended, and really enjoy some fantastic food guilt-free but only if he doesn't come along.

• seh_23

  Honestly there is no straight answer here.

  I’m a vegetarian myself and I would never ever eat meat to make someone else happy, my husband (who is a meat eater) 100% respects that and it’s never been an issue. You shouldn’t be pressuring your partner to eat meat if they truly don’t want to, whatever their reason is. It does seem like you do make an effort to find places they can eat though, and we’re only getting one side here but it seems like that might not be as appreciated as it should be?

  However, I will eat pretty much anything as long as it’s vegetarian and I’m very flexible. I always have snacks on hand when I travel so if we end up eating somewhere that doesn’t have a really substantial vegetarian option, I’ll simply eat a bit more after.

  This is a relationship compatibility issue more than anything, you both need to decide if you’re willing to be in constant food battles forever if it’s becoming this much of an issue.

• Mundane-Gold-497

  NTA

  Q: Why is it your job to find what they can eat? Is this person not an adult? I'm having trouble understanding why you are solely responsible for ensuring they are able to maintain their vegetarianism. I say go to these new places, explore the local cuisine since it's your thing and learn to tune out to the complaining. Also you n

• Overall-Hour-5809

  NTA. Not sure why you all are together. It seems like you all are not compatible and definitely not good travel companions.

• Jujulabee

  NTA

  I have friends who are vegetarians and they don't demand that we dine only at restaurants that are all vegetarian.

  I can't imagine traveling with someone and being unable to restaurants because there wasn't a wide enough assortment of vegetarian options. When you travel - especially in the specific situation with your mother - then the person should make some compromises.

• PookieCat415

  NTA- I was raised a vegetarian and am pretty strict about not eating meat. That said, I could not care less what my spouse eats. The only complaint I had was the smell of it cooking sometimes, but there are ways to work around that. Eat what you want, as you are an adult. Your wife can do her thing if she wants, but respect is a 2 way street and she is being inflexible and not reasonable at all.

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